In the Hospital 3/3-3/5

On Saturday night @ work, everyone kept asking me what was wrong.  I was just not feeling good at all. Considering that I am now used to always feeling sick, I just dealt with it.  

On Sunday night at work, around 8:30 I got back from break and had a sharp, shooting pain in my left side abdominal around my rib cage.  It took my breath away.  I told my bartender and he said that was my pancreas area.  It began to wrap around my back and made it nearly impossible for me to move.  My job is all physical labor so I pushed myself to the limits and finished my shift.  As soon as I punched out, I took a pain pill and went home.  When I got home, I put the heating pad on my back, took another pain pill in an attempt to dull the pain (it did NOT work) and I went to sleep.  I was hoping that when I woke up in the morning it would be gone.  

Monday AM, I had all the same pains :(

I called my GI.  Dr. Burnett.  He was out of town for the week so I spoke to Michelle his assistant.  After explaining my symptoms and knowing that my lipase has been high since June, she said to get to the ER "immediately."   

I had a friend over that said to me "Come on Jen, you look perfect.  Give me a break, is this just for attention or what?"

I do look perfect.  And I was built super tough.  I'm single and alone.  Therefore, I have ONE option to be tough as nails.  Giving up and giving in to this disease is NOT on my radar.  Therefore, I will fight till the end.

I drove myself to the ER on Monday.  They did blood work and found my lipase over 1000!!!!!   I was shocked!!  Because of that they did an ultra-sound & found my pancreas to be "severely" inflamed. 

With that said, I was immediately admitted to the hospital, rm#334.  I was NOT allowed to eat or drink for those 3 days I was in the hospital and I pretty much slept the entire time.

While there, we did an EDG, EKG, blood work every 3 hours, my blood pressure dropped to 85/47, so they had to place me on a special IV drip, that was dripping at a fast rate to raise up my BP.

What made matters worse was being alone.  Not having any family there to comfort me.  It was a scary, sad and lonely feeling.  BUT I survived it all.  Proved to me once again, how strong and how resilient I am. 

These images are taken 4 days after being in the hospital with no food.  Just a clear liquid diet.  Which is what is done to heal the swelling of pancreatitis.  YAY, These imgaes show that I can go home :-)

In Holding .. Waiting for Surgery.................   Waking up from Surgery.......

going through this alone

I dont like going through this completely alone.  I dont.  

I think my biggest blessing would be a support team and I have no one.  Each time I am admitted to a hospital, I have no one to visit me and show they care about me.  

Each time I have a surgry, I have no one to come home and take care of me.  Its just me being dumped off at home to load up on pain pills so I can cart myself around the house.

Just like right now.  As I type this, I am sitting at UMC waiting to be seen by the urgent care doctor. I am trying to save money by not going to the ER.  That visit is $350.00 plus the testing I need done.

This co-pay is $40 plus the testing I need done.  

But as I sit here, I have plenty of time to think.  I think about the pain that I am in, which really truly does hurt, it honestly does.  And being this strong is so exhausting.

Why do I have to endure this alone?  This isn't a self-inflicted disease.  I didnt ask for this.  I didnt do something to myself to create this.

I wish I have someone to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok. Hold my hand and walk through this with me.

But you look fine

 "I don't believe your sick because you look fine."

I'm SO sick of hearing that!  BUT I have finally realized that I need to take that as a compliment.  That truly just shows how strong I really am.  I am sitting here in excruciating pain but to others, I look "fine."

It used to make me angry and hurt my feelings until about 2 hours ago when someone said that to me after I received a phone call from my GI doc telling me to go to the ER.  It angered me that he said, "Come on Jen, your just looking for attention, this is crazy, you look absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with you."

But then it dawned on me, OMG, that is how strong I really am.  Dang, I am super woman!!

Sunday 3/2/2014

Tonight at work, I got back from break and I had a sudden VERY sharp pain in my left side of my body.  It took my breath away.

A few moments later, it started to wrap around to my back and kind of up into my shoulder blade.  This was like nothing I have ever felt before!

I stuck out my entire shift at work regardless of how excruciating this was because I now know that I will forever live my life as a "Lupus warrior."  I can not give in every time that I am in excruciating pain.  I have to keep building my pain tolerance to the point that I can sustain and handle any level of pain thrown at me. Because I have one life to live, ONE.    There is no "Pause" button for me to hit just because I am in pain. It's now or never!  And my bill collectors wont let me hit "pause" either.  LOL

Right after work, I headed over to the 24 hour UMC quick care.  I found out that they don't handle these ailments.  Only the ER does.  Unfortunately the ER co-pay went up to $350.00 per visit now.  Who can afford that?

OMG Lupus, Really??

Visualize the effects of Lupus on the body

You can also Click on this image and it will become much larger, you can scroll over each body part and it will quickly explain how Lupus affects that body part.

Results from MRI / MRA

Results from MRI

Cervical MRI.
There is a cyst on the left side @ C7-T1
There are bulging discs @ C3-C4
& Degenerative Disk Disease @ C2-C3, C3-C4 and C4-C5.

Brain MRI, we found white matter lesions
4mm focus of T2/FLAIR hyperintensity in the left external capsuale

Challenges

Our most challenging life experiences hold tremendous, powerful; potential for self-discovery, healing, and transformation.