going through this alone

I dont like going through this completely alone.  I dont.  

I think my biggest blessing would be a support team and I have no one.  Each time I am admitted to a hospital, I have no one to visit me and show they care about me.  

Each time I have a surgry, I have no one to come home and take care of me.  Its just me being dumped off at home to load up on pain pills so I can cart myself around the house.

Just like right now.  As I type this, I am sitting at UMC waiting to be seen by the urgent care doctor. I am trying to save money by not going to the ER.  That visit is $350.00 plus the testing I need done.

This co-pay is $40 plus the testing I need done.  

But as I sit here, I have plenty of time to think.  I think about the pain that I am in, which really truly does hurt, it honestly does.  And being this strong is so exhausting.

Why do I have to endure this alone?  This isn't a self-inflicted disease.  I didnt ask for this.  I didnt do something to myself to create this.

I wish I have someone to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok. Hold my hand and walk through this with me.