9/14/79 - the day I was born

Today I turn 34.  

To begin, I have to say that today I truly am forever grateful to my mother for making the decision to not only give me life BUT to also keep me and raise me the way she did.   I realize that women have choices. Abortion, adoption and so on.   Not saying that my mother was thinking any other way but to keep me. BUT I am just incredibly grateful that she gave me life and that she gave me an outstanding childhood.  I also thank my father for sticking around and working his rear-end of to give me a wonderful life.  My parents were sprung into adults overnight and together, as a team,  they never looked back.  A very selfless move and I will always be grateful.  My parents are my world and my best friends.

As for me today, well this is a very hard day.  I'm single and no children.  I have been blessed to have accomplished so much in my life.  I have been blessed to have repeatedly knocked down hurdles and become a victor rather than a victim numerous times.  And for this, I thank God.

But my birthday is a time of reflection and I am left wondering "why" what seems to be the simplest goal is the most arduous of all.  I want a child and a significant other to grow old with.  Why is that proving to be completely impossible?

Trust me, being single the past 7 months has been truly a remarkable experience.  I've learned and blossomed so much.

In a recent experience with a guy who reached out to me, asking to date me, I stood my ground and saved myself from complete bullshit ALL because of what God taught me through my tumultuous marriage to Rick.

SO, trust me, I have learned my lessons and stood my ground.
So, when is it "my time?"  If I was 20 something, I wouldn't be asking BUT I'm 34.  I'm not a young vibrant 20 something any longer.  I'm a 34 year old grown & experienced woman who feels the ticking of the clock.

On a lighter note, I want to say thank you to my most incredible roommate for being here and in my life.  Jeremy has been a complete blessing.  When I got home from work last night, I had a card, roses, candles and my fav. candy.  LOL...    For the 1st time I was feeling alone and defeated but he reminded me to just take it easy.

Love coming home to my babies!

Looks JUST like our Veda!!!!!!!!

Just gave myself yet another shot

The reality of what has occurred sets in every night that I have to give myself a shot.  I've learned to ice the area 1st in an attempt to numb the skin but it doesn't help with the stinging of the medication.   The stinging lasts about 10 minutes after injection.  Since its all so new to me, I sit here and ask, "Why?"

And if this is the way it has to be, why cant I be lucky enough to finally have a significant other to hold my hand and walk with me through this.  This is uncharted territory that keeps uncovering new and difficult diagnoses. I have no family here.  I have no boyfriend / husband to lean on.  It's just me and honestly, its the most lonely feeling in the world. It overwhelms me with a feeling of helplessness and isolation.  There are days I just lay in bed completely unable to move.  Not even 11 steps to reach my bathroom sink and brush my teeth.  It'd be incredible to be able to shower!!!

My birthday is in one day.  All I truly wish for on my 34th birthday, is a gentleman to come into my life.  A true gentleman.  Someone to walk side by side with......  Someone to hold my hand through all this...  A man to hold me and tell me it will all be ok.

3 auto-immune diseases, a blood clotting disorder (thrombophillias) Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome & Endometriosis

Recently, I have been diagnosed with 3 auto-immune diseases, a blood clotting disorder (thrombophillias), Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome & Endometriosis.  All of which are NOT curable.  Most autoimmune diseases are chronic, but many can be controlled with treatment.  Symptoms of autoimmune disorders can come and go. When symptoms get worse, it is called a "flare-up."  Basically, my body has been in an aggressive overdrive attacking itself and killing my healthy body tissues.  I am living in constant, UNBEARABLE pain.

An autoimmune disorder is a condition that occurs when the immune system mistakenly attacks and destroys healthy body tissue. There are more than 80 different types of autoimmune disorders. 

Normally the immune system's white blood cells help protect the body from harmful substances, called antigens. Examples of antigens include bacteria, viruses, toxins, cancer cells, and blood or tissues from another person or species. The immune system produces antibodies that destroy these harmful substances.

In patients with an autoimmune disorder, the immune system can't tell the difference between healthy body tissue and antigens. The result is an immune response that destroys normal body tissues. 

Since 2008, I would have bouts of illness that left me practically bed ridden.  It started in the summer of 2008 and by winter it would be gone.  Then summer rolled around again and I was practically bed ridden. The doctors could not find anything wrong with me that would be causing these extreme symptoms and they kept blowing it off as 'anxiety.'

Well, summer of 2013 hit and I was down.  It was the worst year yet and it left me literally bed ridden.  Sick to the point of not being able to get out of bed.  I pressed all doctors for answers and I was getting no where.  

There are plenty of days that I lay in my bed staring at my bathroom sink, wishing I could make it the 11 feet to the sink and brush my teeth.  

I went to the best endocrinologist in Nevada.  He ran a ton of blood work and then told me I had 'polycystic ovarian syndrome.' This diagnosis was based strictly off of the blood work results.  They placed me on 'Metformin' which is typically used for diabetes and within days my stomach started to feel better and the weight gain (12 pounds) was gone in under 2 weeks.

BUT, the other symptoms were all still there and getting aggressively worse.  I ended up finally getting into my General Managers gynecologist.   Every other gyno, including this one was a 6 week wait.  Thank you to Mariam (my GM) for calling and getting me in the very next day.

Dr. Kirsten Rojas listened to and believed every single word that came out of my mouth.  Every other doctor basically laughed in my face when hearing the list of symptoms I was living with.  She immediately ordered about 32 different blood tests, genetic testing & ultra sounds. 

Results came back which lead her to send me off to an oncologist and rheumatologist.  She also needed to perform surgery.

I saw the oncologist, Dr. Obara the next day and he was kind of blowing off my symptoms .....THEN he reviewed Dr. Kirstens blood work results and looked alarmed.  He immediately ordered 26 different blood tests, which were immediately drawn in his office.

He said the blood work revealed I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis & Sjogrens Syndrome as well as a blood clotting disorder called Thrombophillias.

He called Dr. Kirsten and told her I could not have surgery until more blood work was done.  We re-scheduled surgery and I began taking a new set of pills for my heart and blood. After a week of the pills, clearance for surgery was given.

Once the 4th set of blood work came back, the doctors were both prompted to order more.  Now we are waiting on the results of the last round of blood work.  

It truly amazes me that I have lived with these symptoms for 5 years and begged doctors for answers.  Everyone claimed it was 'anxiety' and gave me a script for valium or clonazapam.   Eventually I just laid here and felt my body crashing.  It was when I laid here feeling like death that a door was finally opened to Dr. Kirsten Rojas who saved my life.  NOW, we sit and wait for more answers...........................................

Lupus

Lupus is a chronic, autoimmune disease that can damage any part of the body (skin, joints, and/or organs inside the body).
Chronic means that the signs and symptoms tend to last longer than six weeks and often for many years. In lupus, something goes wrong with your immune system, which is the part of the body that fights off viruses, bacteria, and germs ("foreign invaders," like the flu).

Normally our immune system produces proteins called antibodies that protect the body from these invaders. Autoimmune means your immune system cannot tell the difference between these foreign invaders and your body’s healthy tissues ("auto" means "self") and creates autoantibodies that attack and destroy healthy tissue. These autoantibodies cause inflammation, pain, and damage in various parts of the body.

• Lupus is not contagious, not even through sexual contact. You cannot "catch" lupus from someone or "give" lupus to someone.
• Lupus is not like or related to cancer. Cancer is a condition of malignant, abnormal tissues that grow rapidly and spread into surrounding tissues. Lupus is an autoimmune disease, as described above.
• Lupus is not like or related to HIV (Human Immune Deficiency Virus) or AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). In HIV or AIDS the immune system is underactive; in lupus, the immune system is overactive.

Sjögren's Syndrome

Sjogrens Syndrome  (Show-grins)----------------

Sjögren's is a systemic disease, and its symptoms are felt throughout the entire body.

Sjögren’s is a chronic autoimmune disease in which people’s white blood cells attack their moisture-producing glands. Today, as many as four million Americans are living with this disease.

Although the hallmark symptoms are dry eyes and dry mouth, Sjögren’s may also cause dysfunction of other organs such as the kidneys, gastrointestinal system, blood vessels, lungs, liver, pancreas, and the central nervous system. Patients may also experience extreme fatigue and joint pain and have a higher risk of developing lymphoma.

With upwards of 4,000,000 Americans suffering from Sjögren’s, it is one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders. Nine out of 10 patients are women.

About half of the time Sjögren’s occurs alone, and the other half it occurs in the presence of another autoimmune connective tissue disease such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, or scleroderma. 
When Sjögren’s occurs alone, it is referred to as “Primary Sjögren’s.” When it occurs with another connective tissue disease, it is referred to as “Secondary Sjögren’s.” 

All instances of Sjögren’s are systemic, affecting the entire body. Symptoms may remain steady, worsen, or, uncommonly, go into remission. While some people experience mild discomfort, others suffer debilitating symptoms that greatly impair their functioning. Early diagnosis and proper treatment are important — they may prevent serious complications and greatly improve a patient’s quality of life.

Since symptoms of Sjögren’s mimic other conditions and diseases, Sjögren’s can often be overlooked or misdiagnosed. On average, it takes nearly 4.7 years to receive a diagnosis of Sjögren’s. Patients need to remember to be pro-active in talking with their physicians and dentists about their symptoms and potential treatment options.

Lovanox

After umpteen blood tests and a very serious surgery, I am now on a new routine, taking Lovanox for the rest of my life.

Wednesday, September 4th @ 7am was the surgery and the doctor administered my 1st dose of Lovanox via the IV.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday and so on, I have been injecting myself and will now for the rest of my life.

My ex-husband used to give me B12 shots at home and it never once hurt.  These lovanox needles are actually larger and the lovanox stings like hell when going in and stings like hell for about 15 minutes afterwards.  Leaving me in tears and trying to control the pain it causes with my breathing.
It also leaves my belly covered in bruises and again, the pain, the pain is horrible.  :(

 

4th of July actually ended up to be a GREAT day!  
We went to an early breakfast at "Our families Country Kitchen Cafe" We LOVE that place!!!!!!!!    Then we saw Despicable Me 2.  We both LOVE DM!!!  Its the best!  Part 2 was awesome.  It could never be as good as the 1st BUT it was pretty darn close.
Next, we went to Glaziers Foods for steaks to cook on the grill, some desert and of course we saw grandma and grandpa Scinta's favorite buffalo beer - Genessee!  We have to get one to share for nostalgic purposes.
We went to see fireworks at