I was with my first husband for 10 years total. From age 19-29 and I never once got pregnant. I also never once used protection or birth control pills.
I was with my 2nd husband for a total of 2 years. No protection or birth control with him either and no pregnancies.
Then I met Mike. We got pregnant back in September 2012. It ended up being ectopic. 2 more times following that we got pregnant. All were miscarriages.
Anyone who knows me, knows that having a child is my greatest wish in the world. It's the last accomplishment I want to experience and a life long one it will be.
For the last 8 years, I've been having flare ups of the same symptoms, every summer. After 8 years and this past summer leaving me bed ridden, I finally have answers.
Answers I was not expecting. Neither was my doctor.
During this past surgery, she found that my right Fallopian tube was damaged beyond repair. This is the tube that the cyst grew to a grapefruit size when I was 19 years old. The doctor back then said that my tube was black and blue from not receiving oxygen that entire time the huge cyst was growing & pulling on it. He left the tube to see if it would indeed be ok. ( we clearly see it wasn't)
This is the same tube that Mike and I had the ectopic pregnancy in ( I was 32). The doctor that did the surgery said that everything with the tube was fine and in no time I'd be pregnant again. Well, she was right about being pregnant. In fact it was 2 more times BUT I suffered miscarriages both times.
I have switched to a new and incredible doctor. 2 weeks ago she performed surgery and I have found out out that the Left Fallopian tube is all I have left to try for a baby. Unfortunately, I have a disease that is causing adhesion's to grow and multiply at a rapid rate in my last Fallopian tube..
Dr. Kirsten explained that I am extremely high risk for ectopic pregnancies to continue and if I make it past the Fallopian tube. I am then at a high risk of miscarriage from the auto-immune diseases. Basically, If I were to have a child, it literally will be a miracle.
It's going to be 6 weeks before I could even try to get pregnant, which leaves me at November 13th for my next fertile cycle. Then, we wait it out, if it doesn't take, I try again December 11th - 15th and if that doesn't work, then I just keep trying.
Dr. Kirsten explained that My body has never produced enough of what it takes to have a healthy baby. So she has pumped me full of meds that will give my body what a healthy baby requires. She also explained that me getting pregnant is going to be a super close watch. She is going to be doing hormones levels twice a week. She is going to have to do ultrasounds twice a week. Possibly put me on bed rest the 1st month and so on.
My road block........ Im alone. I have no significant other. I have no one that I am even slightly interested in that could imagine asking to be the other 1/2 of my childs DNA. There is one man that I love and admire in many ways. I had to ask b/c otherwise I am on to sperm donors or adoption because this last tube has to be removed anyhow.
Its hard to imagine the following things. And don't think I am being stuck up by saying this BUT how is it possible that a woman of my age, with my looks (which I swear have been nothing but a curse) and my accomplishments, how have I not found a man to love me and want to grow old with me...The way my mom found my dad. The way my grandparents found each other. The way all my aunts and uncles found each other. So many people who don't want babies have them. Pretty much all of my friends are married. Whats wrong with me?
Why do I have to be left so overwhelmed in love with someone. Someone who laughed & joked with me, loved me, asked me to marry him, twice. Wanted to make a baby with me. Said he couldn't wait to have a baby with someone he loves the way he loved me. And now, now, he can come here and kiss me like he loves me, take care of me, call me to check on me, text me seeing if I am ok. Asking to take me to lunch BUT now tell me that he doesn't want kids anymore. Still loves me and cares about me but cant be with me. Makes no sense at all....
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